You should all know that I was planning on giving "Deadpool" a solid review. Not stellar, mind you ' it's not exactly "The Godfather" ' but it is, at least, funny, shocking, and gratuitously violent and obscene, which from what I gather is exactly what it wants to be. Yes, the film's received considerable backlash for not being as family-friendly as the seven "X-Men" films to come before it, but no one who's familiar with the source material is losing any sleep over that.
A tangental soapbox-esque side note: criticizing "Deadpool" for being 'sick-minded and perverted' is like criticizing "Titanic" because it takes place on a boat. (I cannot take credit for this comparison.) The "Deadpool" comic book series is emphatically ' decadently ' not family-friendly. That's its thing. DO NOT TAKE CHILDREN TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
Anyway. I was going to give "Deadpool" a quick, perfunctory thumbs up and call it a day. I was goingto.
But then this happened.
Just in case you're lazy or that hyperlink doesn't work, I'll risk both the flow of this article and my own personal health to summarize the webpage it would take you to: "Deadpool" has broken "Star Wars" Episode VII's opening-weekend box office record in Russia.
That's right, movie-loving fam. The "Star Wars" legacy is under attack. Our childhoods are being threatened. The Greats of American Cinema like Han Solo and Chewbacca and BB8 are being eclipsed by Ryan Reynolds in a red jump suit, and I will not stand for it.
Because my personal preferences are being threatened, and because this article also serves as my introduction to the Lee Clarion staff and I'd like everyone to get a taste of my personality (read: petty) upfront, I've resolved to yank the rug out from under what many critics seem to be lauding as "Deadpool"'s most remarkable achievement: its intelligence.
Friends, "Deadpool" is not a brilliant movie. It's not even that smart. It breaks the fourth wall a few times, yes, but so does "Dora the Explorer" ' both more frequently and tactfully ' and no one's singing her praises. No, "Deadpool" does nothing that is either remarkable or new. It's not subversive. It's just the latest super hero movie.
'But, Evan,' you will say, 'Deadpool is smart because it's a super hero movie that knows it's a super hero movie. It even makes fun of its super hero-ness several times.' And that could be a valid point, maybe, except I really have no idea what it means. Does "Iron Man" think it's "The Notebook"? What aspects of "Deadpool" make it any more self-aware than the 20+ other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? "Deadpool"'s announcing that the film's budget is too low for the script to include "X-Men" characters with names? His pointing out that one of the villains is about to execute the laughably worn-out 'super hero landing' before she actually does it? Aren't these things that you would hope for viewers to overlook? Pointing them out isn't funny or smart. It's embarrassing. This movie has all the self-knowledge of that person at a party who announces he's drunk before passing out uninvited on your couch.
I didn't hate "Deadpool". I really didn't. I think that it tries too hard to let the viewers in on some joke that isn't necessarily there, really, but I was willing to let that go. And then Russia's citizens decided that they liked it more than "Star Wars". And I just can't let that fly.
Russians.
